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Pain vs. Sorrow

This is the post excerpt.

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Sipping the coffee, I received a call from my friend, sharing that she is upset because she broke her favourite tea urn a week back…


As soon as we disconnected the call, I had a thought, ‘how easily we are driven towards the upset conditions…’ However, as usual, My Mindset 2 had its own opinion, ‘Are you kidding jerk? She must have felt bad, after all it was her FAVOURITE and a rare one (expensive too).’ And this time it was right; She must HAVE FELT bad… but the truth is; She is STILL FEELING the same, rather worst…
We often pore the blame of being upset or being in sorrow on the situations, circumstances, people (and their words)… list is quite long! Hey wait, are we befooling ourselves. Telling ourselves that pain is natural and inescapable but what is this sorrow all about.

You might find me a freak here but just quoting an incidence (Kindly ammend it as per your “circumstances”).

You wake up in the morning (Great on time). Ahaa your most liked blue shirt. After having a nice breakfast with a kadak masala chaye, you touch your parent’s feet, take their blessings, a bye bye kissi to your messy looking yet beautiful wife who tells you, ‘You are looking handsome today’ (Hey you are hiding your smile there). On your way TRAFFIC!!! doesn’t bother you… (Lucky you man). Here, you victoriously reach your office on time. 


Before you grab your seat and start your day, you get a msg, Mr. Dutta (no personal offence plz) your boss wants to meet you. With your contagious smile and a bright Goooood Morning, greeting you enter his room.

Boss to you: You have not been performing the way I expected.

(You to yourself: This doesn’t go with my day 😳)

Boss: You have still not submitted the report I asked for a week before.

(You: But I did everything else perfectly 😒)

Boss: You need to brush up your time management skills.

(You: Am I useless 😟)

Boss: However, don’t work on that report now. I asked Sharma to do it. He will submit it today.

(You: Sharma, tu to gya 😡… He wants to snatch my position 😤)

When you are leaving from room he calls his P.A. and says send the candidates one by one.

(You: I am getting fired 😵)

Pain in this situation is inexorable, if you dont’t feel it, change your job or get your medical tests done (Jokes apart 😉) But, you exhaust your entire day on that too much productive 2 minutes conversation (claps), Re thinking, Re phrasing and Re understanding it time and again, making sure that we hurt ouselves to the core that the pain is overtaken by sorrow. 


However, the morning bliss had created an expectation in your wife’s heart that evening will be better. You reach home, she welcomes you with a loving smile on her glossy lips which you overlooked and ignored. She asks for dinner, you reply with a cold NO (for her it was a rude NO). FYI she made your favourite food and was waiting for you to have her dinner, anyways…

Now, your reaction has given her that mandatory pain which you had in the morning (If you remember, I am sure you do) and alike you she will be Re thinking, Re phrasing and Re understanding it time and again, making sure….. finally the sorrow of not being loved and valued. Thereafter, you will have a non communicated night, pretending to sleep, and enhancing your own set of sorrows.


Day 2; a gloomy one. You wake up late, shirt isn’t ironed properly due to the expected reactions flowing from the other party, no breakfast, you leave in rush shouting a Bye to all (as if its an obligation) and your wife closes the door of your home sweet home with a drop in her eye…. (You know the rest, All the best)

While discussing it out with her next day or next  week, both of you mutually come to a conclusion, it all happened because of Mr. Dutta!!!


Hold on, do you really mean that or its just an excuse?

Is this excuse for our partner or for our ownself?

Did we even realize what happened and why it happened? Do we ever try to realize?

Do we love to be the victim of circumstances and sympathize with ourselves?

Have we ever reflected upon MANY such instances where we created sorrow for ourselves?

Was my friend still in pain for that broken tea urn or she created sorrow out of it?

Pain is certain, I agree but, does sorrow equally holds the strength to a neccessity?

My equation to existence of emotions says NO…

“Pain is inevitable, but Sorrow isn’t”

Love Expects

Lying on my bed and watching the most epic romantic movies along with that endearing fragrance of rain pouring outside… What else one can ask for?
But, I have realised something for sure, these situations, movies, bollywood songs etc lead us to an unrealistic world and then when we put a condition on our love that it must be unconditional… Seriously??? Why is it tagged that an unconditional love is the only form of true love. 

Imagine yourself in a situation where you demand from your love that, ‘If you tell me what is bothering you, then only I will tell you my secret’. Yes you put a condition, an if, here but does this mean that your love isn’t true enough? Trust me, this indicates you are deeply yet smartly in love 😉

We come across ample situations like this in our relations,however, we still run towards conditioning our love with anti-expectations coating.

Wait, was that expectations and conditions both in the same thought? The thin line between expectations and conditioning is strong enough to stand between two people.

Expectations do lead to pain but don’t you think that they are a mirror to our relations.

A mother doing everything humanly possible for her children expecting respect and care…

Or

A father working day and night expecting his son to stand and support him as his friend…

Or

A sibling who stands always as a best friend expecting a secret to remain a supportive secret…

Do these expectations indicate a week bond in the family???

A girl friend who says a lie to her blindly trusting family to be with her love expecting his commitment and loyalty…

Or

A boy friend lending his each and every dream to his girl, expecting endless support and lifetime relation…

Is this anywhere against our social love theories???

A wife who embraces her husband’s name, family, values and priorities over her own, expecting the most special place in his life for eternity…

Or

A husband trying hard to fulfil all the desires of her princess, expecting his partner to be as mature as his mother and as bubbly as his teen girl friend…

Does this indicate that their love isn’t true or lasting???


No, all this show the existence of admiration in these relations.

Expectations are a vital part of love so,what do we have to worry for? The need of the time is to understand the difference between materialistic expectations and conditions vs. love struck ones… but if you put a condition; discontented expectations will lead to drying of love in a relation, here you hurt yourself with this myth.


Today, my equation with existence of love says;

Expectations are fundamental for relations, we must only know What, When, How much and with Whom?

Stress: Necessity vs Choice

Stress: Such a familiar term that all of us can connect to it as a birth right. We have imbibed stress in our lives as an indispensable part. These days a girl not getting her favourite dress to a boy going for first date, from a mother attending PTM to a man in traffic, from a child waiting for exam results to an adult waiting for a business deal, everyone, very proudly commits that “I am STRESSED“. The more frequently we use this ‘S’ word, more we are getting adapted to its frequency too…


Undoubtedly, the complexities at work place, business, relationships, society and life is working as an add on. There are numerous ways to manage stress which are suggested on internet, by elders, free advisors like maintain a healthy life style, time management, meditation, fun classes, relationship councellors etc. But is stress so vital to invest so much time, strength and energy into it. Few thoughts cropping through mind to UNDERSTAND it better.

# Concrete vs Abstract: Many a times we linger on to a concern where the source is abstract. We stay clueless about the concretization of the base of our stories but our ‘stories‘ tense the situation to an extend that we are left with only stress but not a reason.

# Worrying vs Caring: Your son is late for home and the handy gadget; mobile is off, the very first thought that pops in your mind is something negative, ‘I wish all is well with him’ and while visualizing the most negative part, you are left with anxiety which doesn’t allow you to think that he might be clubbing out with friends and we dont even tend towards calling his friends, rather you sit to pray, for a guy enjoying “Despacito” and “puffs”. Abstract reasons always lead to worrying…


# Permanent vs Temporary: Once you find the source, you need to reflect on same. Is it something to which you will look back after a month and regret to burst your wealth, health, moments, relation… on something which was not worth it. Life isn’t 20 20 that you need to play each ball, its a test match, so leave few concerns disguised as balls untouched. At the end maiden overs will stand no where in front of your centuries.

# Cribbing vs Solving: Its absolutely human to crib about things going bad. It may be your fat or job, your finances or spouse, your parents or children and so much more. Just imagine, what if we chanalize ourselves towards a solution if not solution then at least the proposal towards the solution…


# Accepting vs Embracing: We need to understand the thin liner between the two. You accept a situation, person or concern with a regret and thats where we leave it unattended which further leads to stress. Yes! not everything can be changed but at least accept what you have and work on it to make it better, EMBRACE your life and its concerns.

# Worst or worst than that: The moment we become far sighted enough not only to view the worst a situation may bring, but also strong enough to get ready to embrace the same, we are half way done to overcome it.

# Technique vs Toolbox: They say that typical symptoms of stress are eating alot, impulse spending on something and driving fast but, that might be your best way of relieving stress. So, No blog, counsellor, friend, search engine can ever give you the actual technique to handle stress. Its you who needs to create your own treasure box with eminent and immense techniques to catch hold on your wild animal; MIND. It may anything from listening music to taking the biggest decision of your life with a scotch glass in your hand.


My equation with existence of being Anti-stressed says,
“Concerns are as important as comfort, deal with them and NEVER LEAVE WHAT YOU LOVE DOING”

Any GOOD NEWS???

15 out of 10 people ask this question quite often (Half of them ask this twice, once while meeting and then leaving). Yes, this is the most Frequently asked question FAQ from a married couple and their family. After how many months or years of marriage, it depends on the different types of stimulating social elements (ailments) around. In simple words, frequency of the concern for pregnancy depends on how busy are the aunties around…

The moment that married girl, her mother in law or her mom happens to be at a get together (good or bad) the first thing asked after getting a comfortable opportunity is Any Good News???


Which clearly means, post marriage expectations from you did not only include, diving into different feet, being dressed up, relishing everything made at home, laughing on silly jokes, asking about tea from everyone, minimizing phone usage, maximizing the usage of ‘hanji’, keeping your room prim and prom, waking up early, never leaving your wrists empty etc etc but also most importantly it included, having a baby ASAP!

You doubt??? How can you??? What else did you get married for??? You thought to have a life partner, awww poor girl, it was to make babies and to contribute in growing India (and its population)…


I know it isn’t anything to laugh on, but do these askers know? Have they ever thought logically about this affection and care loaded question? A couple who is married since a year or more,doesn’t have a baby. There can be only two possible reasons; they dont want to have it right now or they are not able to have it right now. In both the situations asker’s concern for a good news turns out to be pathetically irritating for the couple.

A couple trying to conceive but not able to, replies, ‘We aren’t planning!’ Coz they dont want to disclose their medical concern and finds it easier to get counselled to have a baby, which tends to hurt them more. The other couple who isn’t planning right now, is sick of the lectures and plans not to attend the gatherings. Still if its a complusion then, replies to the ever asked question as, ‘Sure sure aunty ji, you are absolutely right’ as if ‘Your wish is my command ma’am, note the date, we are goin to have a blast tonight…‘ Then there are the rarest who assemble all there audacity and say, ‘Its kind of personal matter.’ And here they are tagged as Anti-social. Trust you me if they gathered the courage to say this, they are not much bothered about SOCIETY.


Askers need to understand, if a couple doesn’t want to have a baby right now, then the so called counselling would work no wonders and if they are not able to, they must be checking out a doctor, that expert advice is not required though.

Why in our society, a couple living happily with their family or even if alone is not considered to be a complete family? (No offence to complete family holders, respect to all the parents)

Why a married girl’s promotion or achievement call stated as Good News is always mistaken as having a baby?

Why is it that a married girl puking or falling sick can only be a symptom of being pregnant? It can be hangover too…

Who decided that ‘right age‘ of being parents?

When did you last ask someone about their innerwear’s colour? Having a baby is more personal…

So, next time you ‘askers‘ ask for a good news, please be ready, as the Beckham girls these days might bend your question and give you a toss by saying;


Yes! I am due next month. I am sure you are done with shopping and all. I will whatsapp you my wishlist!!!

Or

Well, I am not sure. Do you happen to be a vaginal prober to do a verbal ultrasound right away?
My equation with existence of Parenthood says, ‘Be a parent when your heart, mind, body, soul and partner is ready… coz its no social obligation’


Mischievous Memory Lane!

Travelling in Delhi metro can be real fun, epic people and their conversations.


After a long time when I got the chance to witness the diversified beings in Delhi, within no time I observed two well maintained mothers (may be in their mid thirties) discussing about fitness, diet and all. By the way a new learning; over night application of aloe vera gel on your tummy, keeps it in (What a fictious world 😀). However, as said MOTHERS, they were unwillingly carrying the baggage of 3 plumpy children too, a humpty dumpty boy on phone, a chubby cheeks girl again on phone and the not so small, lil one who tookover my seat in sometime as his big bummies required the space of two (No offense with the lovely kids). I hope the fitness conversations will help them too. Otherwise ‘gym to hain hi yaar‘!

While looking at these kids I couldn’t resist taking a flashback to childhood memory lane, trust you me  almost all the middle class children have somehow the similar one. Oops TRUST is a big issue these days. So, here we have some proven researches which will surely help out my above statement.

-A big polyethene bag with smaller ones in it.

-A Godrej almira

-Chawanprash in winters and Nycil in summers

-A file carrying your report cards

-Your mom’s bed box rather treasure box. That still has your childhood pullovers, pardon sweaters made by your nani or dadi which mom has kept for your children.

-That irritating sibling who says Hanji to whatever mummy papa says. (Its only to make number, and in our family it was me)

-That chhoti or badi massi with whom mom talks about everything but pretends that they only do idhar udhar ki baate.

-The cell cover of remote which got too loose that had to be supported with cello tape.

– Cold drink bottles converted as water bottles in refrigerator.


-A friend whom your mom wanted you to boycott with because he/she was nalayak (not academically good) but your mother never knew that his mother also has same cordial thoughts about you.

-The mop which used to be your t shirt which once became your holi costume also.

-The coins kept under a newspaper turned shelf cover in kitchen.

-Most important, turning off the flame after 3 whistles of the pressure cooker (Mission Impossible)


This list is never ending and I am sure now we are sailing in the same boat. The children of present generation will never be able to experience all this. I am not in comparison mode. But the skills we got from our childhood were indispensable. Yes, you read it right SKILLS. Oho! trust me we got many. My bad – No trust, fine let me pile up some instances here…

Money management: Prioritizing the wishlist in a way that we can buy maximum utility things from those 5 rs.


Investment is the subject matter of solicitation, read all the documents carefully before investing: This was taught to us initially. Our ashthami savings which we counted almost ten times used to be given to mom for safe custody. (None of us got it back).

Conditional Working: “I will finish the H.W. of two subjects but then I will go to play.” Moms were never too easy to convince so we had to crack these business deals every now and then.

Optimum Utilization of resources: Remember that polyethene bag being used as head cover on a rainy yet playful day.

Time Management: Eating lunch by the end of first period to utilize lunch break’s time productively 😉


Bull’s eye on the Target: We had a supernatural power of finding the candle at electricity cut off without using the mobile’s torch or backlight… (Now, that power has no existence even amongst us).

Equality: Mom dividing the ice cream brick absolutely equally amongst all… We learnt to treat everyone equally.

Handling trust issues: The video gamecassette that used to say 999999 games in it… We had no website to complaint so we accepted such distrustful acts.


Harmony– When we fought for remote….naaahhhh 😜 When mom taught us there is no tera mera everything in a family is humara.

Being Diplomatic: Mom telling the relatives again and again at the exit gate house that the shagun to us was not required (Somebody plz ask that child, who actually wants to get those so called chocolates) and the moment they left mom used to take it and count too 😊.

Attitude of Gratitude: Our mothers who handled us well and the house too sacrificing their own lives and our fathers who used to travel some 3  4 kms to their school on bycycle or while walking (I sometimes wonder why all the schools were too far away from everyone’s home, was that a govt norm to have school in a secluded area.) However, learning to pay gratitude to what they did for us made us what we are today!!!

Our childhood and the circumstances at that time gave us the lifeskills to execute today, thanks to those days!

Much love to our childhood coz,

“Hasrate to bachpan me hi poori hoti thi,

Ab to bs zaroorato me kat rahi hai zindagi!”

This time my equation with existence of memories says;

‘Cherish each day, worth making a memory’

Scream to Stay Safe!

Its raining outside and I am loving it, static in the traffic, sitting at the backseat with half open window.

Here, I see some chirpy school girls standing at the bus stand, a group of boys coming from the other side and the girls become quite as if, they were aware whats next. They were right! boys passed the comments as per their moral duty and girls looked down as usual. We have somehow accepted the fact that we are to be commented on.



A girl’s journey
to the real world begins with a struggle to understand, WHY those men standing on the bus stand stare like that (MAY BE its the over or under weight), WHY those school boys change their route, look at the girl, talk to each other and laugh a loud (MAY BE its the funny appearance), WHY that shopkeeper touches his fingers on the palm while giving the change (MAY BE he doesn’t want the coins to fall down), WHY that uncle equal to father’s age wants that girl to give him something to eat (MAY BE he is too poor to fetch a meal), WHY that man who can be called dada ji leans on a girl even at a small jerk in the bus (MAY BE he is too old to maintain body balance)… These WHYs haunt a girl (every girl) initially, till the time she does not realize that her MAY BEs never existed…

This is when that girl goes into her cocoon, her bag becomes her guard, her eyes always search something on the ground lacking the courage to look up, tolerating everything to an extend and then, just moving away. You know what best she can do,  taking a cab or an auto rather than a bus or metro, so that its not those 50 men looking at her personal self but just the driver.


This weather, those girls, the comments and that moving bus gives a throw back to that day. A small girl (Uniform; MCD school, she must be in grade 3 or 4) was sitting at the window seat in the bus, her hands and half head was out of the window, enjoying the drizzle, it seemed that its raining ONLY for her… Gosh! that lovely smile and mischievous eyes were eager to reach home.

BUT, after a few minutes her smile was lost, her hands were in, she was still looking outside rather was looking out vacantly without a blink of an eye. (May be she was missing her maa). Something was awkward. A tear rolled down from her eyes… Yet again that ‘MAY BE‘ was wrong. The man sitting next to her, had his hand on her shoulder. Suddenly, that amazingly pleasant downpour turned into a gloomy one. In almost no time her fear had over ruled her tears and her eyes were dry. By then his hand was in her shirt. The little girl looked numb and there she shooked her head down. How could someone do that and how could others standing there, witnessed it but still ignored???


All those gazing eyes, mostly non understandable comments, un-welcomed hands, ever tolerating deeds that our society has been accepting, might be travelling in your mind, heart, body, blood and veins, that frustration is too strong that it can create a tsunami. That same tsunami gave me the courage to move to her seat and scream… Yes, a scream of regret, helplessness, hattered and anger… A scream that was too loud and fierce that it made HIM get down from the running bus.

That girl stood up after a minute or so and without looking at anyone, de-boarded the bus may be much before her stand or after that, did she even know the way to her house, was she even in her senses to reach home, would she ever be able to tell her family, would they understand, but one thing which was for sure, another girl was now ready to get immune to be looked, touched or felt. Congrats! she was a mature girl now…


Hey you boy, there is something for you, yes you! You might be someone’s best friend or just a facebook friend, a neighbour or a relative, a boyfriend or a husband, a brother or a father, an uncle or a cousin, a boy riding a bike or a man in his car, a colleague or a boss, a brother’s friend or a father’s business partner,  please be man enough to be called one. Because the girl whom you checked out today, yesterday, a week back or long back has much more than her curves.

And you girl stop it! Be courageous enough to stand for your ownself, to beat anyone if required, to abuse them if needed, to look up while walking straight into their eyes, telling them “I” belong to “Myself“. No one can ever be your guard, your bag, a cutter, a pepper spray, your self defense classes, your boyfriend NO ONE and NOTHING. Stop sympathizing with yourself and be your own shield.

So, my equation with existence of  ‘a woman’s respect’ says:

Stand Up, Stare them straight and Scream’

FIRST LOVE ❤️


So is mine… and I am sure yours’ too…

Even when I didn’t know what really love is (rather I still don’t know 😜 Excuse me that smile isn’t required, even you don’t know 😝)… Okay so even when I didn’t know what really love is I loved him… but never had the courage to say! So, today  I have something special for that first love… (especially for you girls)

Always caring but never controlling, Protective but you were never obsessive,,                      

Thanks for making me what I am, For assuring that I am strongly decisive

A soul who listens without a single word uttered, who loves me for my complex self,,                  

You always found me the most beautiful, I am blessed coz you cherished me for yourself…

Here I am to show my love tattoo permanently etched in my heart, Wow! What a sight of that smile that it will bring,,                                             

I infered it to be obvious, and never ever expressed,, My first love whom I seldom said, “I love you PAPA for everything“…


Days when we didn’t see you from Sun set to rise, those weeks are still fresh yet gloomy in my head,,                                                                         

We went to school when you were taking utmost required rest, and you came back when we were sound in our bed…

We do go for shopping now on our own, but, Whenever I move looking at the price tag, due to my financial mess 😂,,                                             

It reminds me, you bought me everything I smiled at,, But after understanding you better papa, I started smiling at these things less…

You never made us realise that your days also went low, the days when your pocket wasn’t too heavy,,                                                                       

My WISH wasn’t that important Daddy that, you did everything beyond your capacity…


For all the hardwork you have put in to make us what we are, I want to bow down and thank you from bottom of my heart,,                                     

For the tender discipline and love with zero demands, for being the warmth of summer Sun and blessing me to be your part…

Living our lives we often forget about your unsaid dreams, We never asked you what you wanted to be,,                                                         

One thing I know deep down my heart, you sometimes cry alone but never want us to see…

You left your ease to provide us an oasis of serenity, You never revealed papa that life has been tough to you,,                                                  

Its high time that we pervade you with opulence, let us manifest our love, as you deserve it too…

You rarely had any expectations or desires, except that cup of tea,,                                              

I am getting loved infinitely, but, leaving you was never easy…

I know you are always there with me or standing at my back, You are and will be my hero who can do anything for me,,                                      

but Did I tell u, that even I can fight with this entire world, Coz that hidden tear in your eye, Is an intolerable thing to see…

I am proud and blessed to be your daughter!

Yes, my FIRST LOVE, MY PAPA…


Happy Father’s Day!!!

Just close your eyes and ask yourself it will tell you how much YOU love YOUR DAD

We often take our fathers forgranted because they never said that they wanted our love or pamperness but trust you me behind that foundation setting strong and committed man, there is a soft hearted and tired father who wants you to tell him that, “What you have done for us no one can ever do…” He doesn’t want much but just sit and listen how he made you what you are, Just embrace and appreciate his success story… Go and thank him, you might get a cold reaction but the moment you turn, his smile and tears will be the most majestic combo on this Earth…

Discuss your problems with him coz he is the real Encyclopedia, and if he isn’t he can still do ANYTHING for you… His discussions, solutions, chit-chats, consultations might not make any sense to you, dont’t worry, even yours’ never did when you were a kid… He still gave wings to your imaginations, now he just needs your ears for his conversations…

So, my Equation with Existence with Relationship says;

“Kindly shower him with affection, coz he is least loved since long”